DEVOTION: Week of January 25

I admit, I’ve spent time despising the days of small beginnings. 

The days of fetching coffee and more copies for big people when others are sharing big ideas on big whiteboards. Days of refilling juice for little people and restocking fresh diapers when others have kids who are independent and driving. The days of meal planning and house cleaning and time sheets and changing sheets, while others make more money and “have people” to help. The days of encouraging one person at a time, one blog post at a time, one podcast at a time, over the course of years and years, while watching others swell in followers and likes, seemingly overnight.

Those were days I wanted to scream, “I have a name and I have more!” I wanted to be known, to be seen, to be acknowledged for the more I had to offer — more talents, more gifts, more creativity, more insight. But I was never sure who would I would yell it to, except God. So those screams became prayers written out in mechanical pencil in a lightly-lined journal, morning by morning, in between coffee and juice and diapers and time sheets. And quietly and gently, bit by bit, as I got still before God and poured out my heart to Him, I began despising those days a little bit less, and a little bit less, and a little bit less.

Years later, as jealousy and pride began to exhaust themselves, I began to embrace the small beginnings. The ones that allowed me to chase rainbows after a storm, catch snowflakes on my tongue, watch the sun set over the horizon. To say yes to spontaneous lunches with a friend who really needed to laugh, quick coffee dates with my husband, long phone calls with those I love.

Those small beginnings allowed me to see without being seen; how people hurt when they think no one is looking, how they carry pain in their eyes though their mouth is smiling. How someone might need to talk, right when I’m hurrying off to nothing. A surprise milkshake when I pick my kids up from school, not knowing they had a really bad day. Forgetting the stringent bedtime and playing a little longer, reading a little longer, laughing a little longer. Putting my phone down and really listening as my husband processed through things.

There are plenty of people smack in the midst of their Big Middles and Grand Finales who do these things, too. I know them in real life and have been on the receiving end of their grace. But they’re the people who didn’t start off despising their small beginnings. They embraced them and stepped into them willingly with palms up, ready to receive whatever little bit God was willing to give. Those people are now my role models, who I want to be like when I grow up. 

I’m still smack in the middle of small beginnings. Most people still don’t know my name or see me. But God has changed me from the inside-out and I no longer crave the need for more, or for my name to be known. I weep at the thought of what I would have missed if God hadn’t kept me exactly where I was — small days and smaller days, always beginning, never arriving. My pride and jealousy would have kept me in a cycle of striving for more and better, never appreciating a single darn glorious thing right in front of me.

My identity in who I am and where I am has only become secure as I carved out time to be still and know God. The more I know of Him, the less I need others to know about me. And I have found there’s nothing more liberating than to be free of me so I can be free to be me.

“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.” (Zechariah 4:10)

QUESTIONS FOR THIS WEEK

MONDAY

If you’re in the midst of small beginnings right now, write out every detail about them and how they make you feel. Be honest and raw and write it as a prayer to God. If you have moved past some of those small beginnings, go back and remember how difficult it was in the moment — get in touch with the struggle, and journal a prayer to God thanking Him for the work He did in you through that time.

“Join me, everyone! Trust only in God every moment! Tell him all your troubles and pour out your heart-longings to him. Believe me when I tell you—he will help you!” (Psalm 62:8)

TUESDAY

What negative qualities about yourself keep you from embracing exactly where God has you right now? Is it jealousy and pride? Control and anger? Gossip and slander? Be honest about the places that need to transform into the likeness of Jesus and repent of those things. Be committed to asking the Holy Spirit to help you change, bit by bit, day by day.

“Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you,[a] but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes.” (Romans 12:2)

WEDNESDAY

Take an honest assessment of your life right now, and find the joy on the flip side of the struggle. If you’re not working as much as you’d like to, thank God for being able to be present for friends and family more than you have been. If you’re struggling physically, thank God for the ability to be still (literally) to study His word and spend more time in the Word. If you’re in a difficult relationship, thank God for the freedom to pray for that person, even if they don’t know or appreciate it.

“And in the midst of everything be always giving thanks, for this is God’s perfect plan for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

THURSDAY

Identify two to three people who you feel have represented their small beginnings well. Write them a note or a text just letting them know you see them and appreciate their commitment to being faithful with the gifts God has given them to steward.

“The one who manages the little he has been given with faithfulness and integrity will be promoted and trusted with greater responsibilities. But those who cheat with the little they have been given will not be considered trustworthy to receive more.” (Luke 16:10)

FRIDAY

What moments can you think of that have made a lasting impact on you, that would otherwise seem “small?” Maybe a late afternoon walk where the light winks in pink and orange and the shadows come in sideways? Or pure belly laughter on the bed with your kids? Or that teen who’s struggling that allows you to hold and comfort and really listens as you pour truth into her? Those seemingly small moments shape everything about our futures — write them down so you never forget. Remember to give God great thanks for your being able to be present to realize how important those moments are.

“Aspire to lead a calm and peaceful life as you mind your own business and earn your living, just as we’ve taught you.” (1 Thessalonians 4:11)

WANT TO HEAR MORE?

Go back and listen to one of our earlier podcasts on what it means to Be Missional and Build.