DAILY DEVOTION: May 2

It never occurred to me to pray about these massive self-esteem issues. To pray about speaking in front of that group. To pray about the insane depths of my insecurity; the way it funnels into a tornado and catches everything in its path. It never occurred to me to think about praying for comfort and courage, let alone victory, until the moment I silently cried out in the midst of it.

I constantly pray for big things: finances and family, marriage and motherhood, writing and womanhood. But I save all these seemingly inconsequential things for me to hold onto and wrestle with alone. I wring myself out with worry and angst about so many immaterial things, when I know deep down God wants me to roll those off onto Him, too. 

It’s a never-ending thought cycle, but I’ve never once brought it to God. Never asked Him to burden-bear for me, never asked for divine intervention. I live so comfortably in insecurity; I’m at home being critical of myself. In the moments I’m in front of those people or speaking to that group, it suddenly occurs to me that I could have prayed. The fact I can include Jesus on this is still foreign to me. 

I can ask for a new perspective on myself. I can ask for Truth to take root in my heart; for Him to give me peace and knowing I’m so loved no matter how I feel. I can ask Him to settle down deep into my bones I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I can ask for all these things. And yet… I don’t.

I could believe this is my thorn in the flesh—the thing I will always struggle with. And that lets me off the praying hook. But the truth of His Word tells me that no weapon formed against me will prosper, even if that weapon is one I’m forming all on my own.

It’s time for freedom, friends, and to loose the shackles of our own making. Whatever your personal struggle is, commit with me that we’ll ask Jesus into the journey instead of keeping Him on the sidelines. That we’ll know the truth and be set free.

“Look at me. I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I’ll come right in and sit down to supper with you. Conquerors will sit alongside me at the head table, just as I, having conquered, took the place of honor at the side of my Father. That’s my gift to the conquerors!” (Revelation 3:20-21, The Message)

—Monica