DAILY DEVOTION: MAY 4

I have it memorized and can call it forth at any given moment:

There once was a girl, and she felt pretty average and fairly inadequate in all she did.

And she would start new things and quit before she finished.

And she would shrink back and try to blend in or hide.

And she never quite believed she was anything special, though she felt there was more.

Whatever that meant.

So she lived life in the quiet and in the fear and teetered on the edge of What Could Be.

Sometimes the story stays on repeat at the front of my brain and becomes a filter for anything I say or do, taste or feel. It becomes a stop sign to trying new things, or working towards a goal. It reminds me I probably wouldn’t follow through anyway, so trying would be pointless.

But other times it’s way in the back of my brain, forgotten and free. And I can muster up strength to begin again, to step out into an unknown. Until the moment the story screams to be read again, showing up in the most unexpected and unwelcome places.

We do this dance, me and this story. And sometimes I lead, and sometimes it leads, but usually it ends with me shrinking back and hiding.

Living in fear is exhausting.

The story is not a classic anymore. It’s not a fun vintage one with a golden spine and whimsical illustrations that make me smile. It’s not full of lyrical words that paint carefree images in my head. It holds no nostalgia, no grace. No sweet smile at a long-lost memory.

Instead it’s just old and tattered. The pages are ripped and the cover is torn. The words have been washed away with enough tears.

It’s time to throw it away. There’s a new story waiting to be written.

“Consider this! I am making everything to be new and fresh. Write down at once all that I have told you, because each word is trustworthy and dependable.” (Revelation 21:5, The Passion Translation)

—Monica